Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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