areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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