I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
