I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize