Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
