I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
