sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
