I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
