yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
