Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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