she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
