I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
