i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
