At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
