Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
