Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
