I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
