I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
