I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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