well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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