I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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