I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
