Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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