i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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