Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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