Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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