I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
