I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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