Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
