god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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