Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
