Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
