Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
