just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize