I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If I die, sorry about rent.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
