I wanna bring you to show and tell
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
