Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
