everyone is single if you try hard enough
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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