Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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