Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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