party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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