Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
