im drinking this country out of the recession.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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