There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
