I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
either way he was missing a nipple.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
