well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
