why didn't you poke me back
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
