Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
