If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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