Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
